Divorce maybe

Don't leave! It is her doing so she should be the one to leave. DO NOT MOVE OUT!

Leaving without some sort of agreement or being ordered to can be seen as abandonment.

GSOHunter said:

Leaving without some sort of agreement or being ordered to can be seen as abandonment.

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No "can be" to it. If you leave the home without a separation agreement, it's abandonment and a lawyer will eat you alive with it.

Just be aware that if your name isn't on the deed to the house then she can ask you to leave and you have no choice. Property is controlled by the names on the deed even though there might be a lien and you might make the payments. The name or names on the deed have control over who lives there, if you refuse to leave then she can legally have you removed.

Thanks again guys. My name is the one on the deed, but with that being said, we had a talk tonight and looks like maybe we will be trying to work it out. Thanks sooo much for the prayers. I know it wouldn't have happened without them. I know she is having a very hard time dealing with the kids leaving. I know I must keep my end of the bargain and show more love and doing little things to make her feel loved. I had really dropped the ball on that one for years, but I will try hard to do my part, but I know its a 2 way street.

That's awesome news to hear.

The first thing I would do is to get her by the hand, kneel down with her and pray with her to God that he can heal your marriage. Never be too big or bold to admit your faults in front of her and God...

EGrdneck said:

The five love languages by chapman....lots of prayer and more prayer and the love dare....also marriage counseling by a bible believing counselor can go a long ways.....I speak as a young man married only 5 yrs but the above method coupled with God's grace saved my marriage and I was the one who caused the trouble to begin with....Rome wasn't built in a day and even Nehemiah couldn't build the wall in a day....its a long process but I think it can be fixed no matter what...

Either way my family will be praying for you both tonight at during our family time.

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Also covered in the book i mentioned. Funny how
We both hit the same nail here.

Are you an acts of service Guy?

EGrdneck said:

The five love languages by chapman

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Get this book, in fact I recommend that you get two copies. Start by each of you reading the same chapter, the next day discuss that chapter. The following day read another chapter, discuss it the next day etc etc etc. This is the best book, other than the Bible, I've ever read on how to be married and stay married. This is a written in stone requirement before I will perform a marriage ceremony.

I'm a mixture....mostly acts of service for me...Ashley's stays at home now since sadie was born so she surprises me with sweet tea at the farm or brings me lunch. It has totally changed our marriage...just thankful God shows us grace everyday

Well guys, update. She is leaving, we have signed the separation papers, separated our bank accounts, so looks like its gonna happen. Im ok with it, we have had some tearful moments and I hope that's the worst of it, but I have a feeling after a month alone, reality is going to sink in.

I will continue to be in prayer for you.

Prayer sent for you Jim

Keeping you both in my prayers.

Ive been in your shoes boss, well the divorce part. Im here if you need an ear to bend.

Thanks so much guys. im a little scared, scared about being on my own again and scared about the bills. I need to get back in the swing of things about paying the bills because Ive been out of it for so long.

jim67 said:

Thanks so much guys. im a little scared, scared about being on my own again and scared about the bills. I need to get back in the swing of things about paying the bills because Ive been out of it for so long.

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You are never alone, have a conversation with the big guy upstairs. I sure did and instantly felt the weight lifted from my shoulders.

Praying for you. Been there myself. Always an ear to bend if you need it.

Now that it's over for good. My advice would be to hit the ground running. Get out there and meet some women right away. It'll take some of the sting out of the situation.

Prayers for peace and wisdom sent. Sorry that you're having to go through all of this.

I've been thru it also. Pray about it and if needed talk about it, but don't let it get you down. You will both be in my prayers!

HATE to hear that . Do what I did. Go back to when you two started dating . ASK her out go out and just ride and talk And.ASK GOD to step in

That sucks. Been there done that. First one busted up at about year 5 and at that point we had been together 9 years. Been married 15 years this year on the second round and we have seen some dark times. Been close to throwing in the towel a couple of times but we didn't and now we are stronger than ever. I feel like I'm married to my best friend. Point being is that I wouldn't rule out another round but I would leave the women alone for a little while. You have an opportunity to reset now and do what you want. Take advantage of it and make the best of it. Dating today is ridiculously easy so the opportunities will be there. If and when you decide you want to make another stab at dating set the ground rules for the relationship out of the gate. Recognize what your part is in this on and take it as an opportunity to learn and improve yourself. It'll pay off in the long run. Don't know you but you situation unfortunately isn't unique and you are not alone even when you feel like you are. I would be glad to listen though if you ever need an ear. Praying for you and good luck brother.

Time heals, sir. It also gives perspective. You will get over her as the separation progresses. Don't despair. Nothing you're going through isn't already common among men, the bulk of whom have survived and thrived on the other side. I'm living proof.

So sorry to hear this man...will be praying! Don't give up - just give it over to God and start with the simple question "what do you want me to do God?" You may be surprised what God has in store for you both! If He can raise from the dead...He can surely heal marriages!

Thanks so much for the encouraging words guys. Like I said, it will probably take a couple weeks after she leaves that it sinks in, but I hope the storms worst has already passed. We will see.

Unfortunately...unless you can bring yourself to hate her or block her out of your mind completely...its not over yet. Sometimes its never over.

[video=youtube;kGM8lH3CZaE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGM8lH3CZaE[/video]

Not going to pry but will be praying for you. I was married to a 24 year old at 18. Raised her son for 7 years, had a child with her that first year that leas to marriage. She was a serial cheater. Left once with both kids and relocated. She followed and I tried. The good Lord knows I tried. For 3 more years I found secret phones, other guys, a round of antibiotics, and then I had enough and walked out. I left her everything even my great grandmother's dining room table. I took both kids, hers and mine and started over. I lost hers 6 mos. later as she was in a custody battle with his father. Still don't forgive myself for that one. The point is I was devastated but now have restarted with a wonderful girl who today I had our 3rd child together. I think I was selfish leaving my first wife because I didn't care about the other guys. Still torn on that one but now my life is better. I realized emotional crazy women who disappear for days on end aren't the norm. My wife now is a saint. As great as she is some days I have to blindly put my pride to the side and forgive her when she does things that really upset me. The surprising thing is because of this we have never in 8 years had a fight. When I get upset instead of trying to be hurtful I remember I was forgiven and I am far from oerfect. While letting a temper flare even once may feel justified it isn't worth upsetting my wife. I usually just sit her down and apologize even if I don't think I am wrong. I love my wife and if I upset her or hurt her feelings I am wrong. I fortunately was gifted without a temper. I know for some the anger eats them up. In the end it doesn't fix anything and usually hurts them. I guess long story even longer taking a minute to look inside and figure out what part of the disagreement you caused is the best solution. Don't get me wrong I have had times with my ex were she has picked a fight, feigned being mad or maybe convinced herself I did some slight to her just so she could go run around and feel better about it. That isn't really what I mean here though. None of us are close to perfect but we do the best we can. Our other rule and it sounds cheesy is that we talk about it. My wife is the silent unemotional type. I know that and when something bugs me I let it stew for awhile. This is absolutely no good. A very good friend told me it's easy to quit. He is right and unfortunately a lot of Americans have decided what makes them happy is the most important part but forget the vows they took. It's not just a one way street anymore. I can't say I will be the perfect husband but I will try and that's about the best any of us can do. In the end it's her decision to go maybe this will serve you in your next relationship. If that is the path it goes just remember everything is temporary. I struggled after I left. Financially somewhat to restart but also anxiety and sorrow. It took time but I moved on. Don't be to eager to jump back into it even if it feels comfortable to be dating someone. You need time to grieve and reset. It will allow you to find the right person instead of the next person. God bless and as with any member here contact me anytime. I have never met a stranger and I have a house full of kids I never sleep

Well, she is gone. She left Friday while I was at work, so now Im here alone and its quiet. Not sure how to react. I really haven't felt too sad, which scares me. I know before she left we had our crying moments and I had my moments of depression but I don't feel it now. Is this normal? Is it gonna hit me later?

Hopefully your lack of emotions is coming from the admittance that it is over. When you come to terms with that, you can do nothing but rebuild. If it is going to hit you again, it will be when the first round of bills come in. That's when you're going to have sit down and figure numbers by yourself. You were together for 13+ years. Nobody would ever expect you to be over that over night, so don't be surprised if it does hurt again. If there are any old friends that you have become distant from over the married years, I would strongly encourage trying to reconnect. In the meantime, find yourself some hobbies to occupy your time. Find a good book, pick up model building, give lure making a whirl, find something that will keep you peaceful in the evenings. You have a strong support group here that can you always talk to, whether openly or in private messages. As always, you have my prayers. Keep the good lord above in mind as you begin this new chapter in your life.